As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
