Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
