one two three fourrrrnication!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
