I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
