Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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