I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
