She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Sober January is a disaster.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
