Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm bleeding and have questions
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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