Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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