I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
