Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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