If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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