It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
