So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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