end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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