why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
