He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize
