Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
