I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
