Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
