If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
