why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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