it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Green mimosas i think yes
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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