So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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