I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
