I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
