I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
