Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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