how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
