You made me cry and you don't even care
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
