I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize