if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
