bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize