Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
