I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
