just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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