So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
