she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
