I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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