Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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