glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently the secret to your success is patron
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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