Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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