Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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