I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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