I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
