I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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