I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
