just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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