It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize