I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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