That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
