More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
