I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
