Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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