It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
