my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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