every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
